Good Morning! I left my phone at the house.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Harvestin' Begins
"Live Life with Purpose in Every Step"
My Purpose Today: I am going to try and bring back an animal from the woods for my girlfriend. On purpose.
My Purpose Today: I am going to try and bring back an animal from the woods for my girlfriend. On purpose.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
B.S. & P.S.
How embarrassing it is to be an emotional wreck. I don't not wish it upon anyone.
I'm sick of crap like that. Recently, I have been getting really down and emotional... FACT: mainly because of chemical imbalances in my body which could be avoided by exercising. I was freaking out. Then I went for a run and was fine. Hence, reasons for not taking a car anywhere.
I read some of my old revelatory notes this morning. They were pretty good. One that sticks out to me this morning:
"As a man thinks in his heart, so he is."
Sigh. You're right God. I'm not depressed. Its not the children's bread. I should not pray mentally but out of the abundance of my spirit. I should not wait to feel like doing something, but act in faith and do it. Whether it feels right or not to study in the morning, when I am trying to figure out perfect ways to worship you for 5 minutes and take up an hour and a half being distracted, I'll study.
Wisdom for the day: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
That which comes out of the mouth of man defiles him. For the mouth speaks what is in the heart.
In my case, I emailed one of my teacher's about having dealt with some depression, and now that I'm over it, I feel like an idiot.
More wisdom: Steer clear of putting yourself in the position where you must apologize.
Better to remain silent and be thought foolish.
P.S. My girlfriend still makes my heart soar. I love you Erin.
I'm sick of crap like that. Recently, I have been getting really down and emotional... FACT: mainly because of chemical imbalances in my body which could be avoided by exercising. I was freaking out. Then I went for a run and was fine. Hence, reasons for not taking a car anywhere.
I read some of my old revelatory notes this morning. They were pretty good. One that sticks out to me this morning:
"As a man thinks in his heart, so he is."
Sigh. You're right God. I'm not depressed. Its not the children's bread. I should not pray mentally but out of the abundance of my spirit. I should not wait to feel like doing something, but act in faith and do it. Whether it feels right or not to study in the morning, when I am trying to figure out perfect ways to worship you for 5 minutes and take up an hour and a half being distracted, I'll study.
Wisdom for the day: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
That which comes out of the mouth of man defiles him. For the mouth speaks what is in the heart.
In my case, I emailed one of my teacher's about having dealt with some depression, and now that I'm over it, I feel like an idiot.
More wisdom: Steer clear of putting yourself in the position where you must apologize.
Better to remain silent and be thought foolish.
P.S. My girlfriend still makes my heart soar. I love you Erin.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Heavy Leaves and Fall Hearts
good morning. peppermint tea.
homework = sigh of grief.
beautiful world outside = sigh of relief.
I am at the point in this semester where I'm hitting a wall, but I'm not writing to complain. I may feel my circumstances are weighty, but I should just let them fall to the ground like these leaves outside. Because it brings more pleasure to hear them crunch under my feet. My perspective has come this route by way of my father's guidance. I called him last night for some encouragement, only to find he had a rough day as well. Nevertheless he insisted I explain myself, so I did. I love his advice because most of the time, I can just soak it right in because I know it lines up with something I want to be. He's the best. So I woke up this morning and felt like I wanted to talk to him. About that time my phone buzzed to let me know someone had left an email.
It read:
subject:Fall colors
I was not in the best mood last night, with news from the family, and grandmother worried about me being out of town for 3 days. I felt I shouldn't have to work this hard to make it after years of hard work. But I woke up this morning and looked out side at that glorious fall wardrobe that nature is presently wearing and said, what the heck! get up and enjoy the day no matter what kind of day your facing. This is great weather, can't wait to get outside. Hope you complete all the assignments. love Dad
What the heck is exactly what I'm thinking Dad. you make me laugh.
Here's a picture of my girlfriend. It makes me laugh too, ha.
homework = sigh of grief.
beautiful world outside = sigh of relief.
I am at the point in this semester where I'm hitting a wall, but I'm not writing to complain. I may feel my circumstances are weighty, but I should just let them fall to the ground like these leaves outside. Because it brings more pleasure to hear them crunch under my feet. My perspective has come this route by way of my father's guidance. I called him last night for some encouragement, only to find he had a rough day as well. Nevertheless he insisted I explain myself, so I did. I love his advice because most of the time, I can just soak it right in because I know it lines up with something I want to be. He's the best. So I woke up this morning and felt like I wanted to talk to him. About that time my phone buzzed to let me know someone had left an email.
It read:
subject:Fall colors
I was not in the best mood last night, with news from the family, and grandmother worried about me being out of town for 3 days. I felt I shouldn't have to work this hard to make it after years of hard work. But I woke up this morning and looked out side at that glorious fall wardrobe that nature is presently wearing and said, what the heck! get up and enjoy the day no matter what kind of day your facing. This is great weather, can't wait to get outside. Hope you complete all the assignments. love Dad
What the heck is exactly what I'm thinking Dad. you make me laugh.
Here's a picture of my girlfriend. It makes me laugh too, ha.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Good Thoughts
God’s resources are not moved based on human need.
Much of what we cry out for in life is only released to us in the lifting of our heads.
To rejoice requires more faith.
We will have more power in our faith than we ever will in our pity.
Amazing Bill Johnson
PS: I like my girlfriend
Much of what we cry out for in life is only released to us in the lifting of our heads.
To rejoice requires more faith.
We will have more power in our faith than we ever will in our pity.
Amazing Bill Johnson
PS: I like my girlfriend
Friday, August 19, 2011
Hmmmmorning
Better is the poor who walks in his integrity, than one who is perverse in his lips and is a fool
It is not good for a soul to be without knowledge, and he sins who hastens with his feet. ~Proverbs 19:1, 2
Integrity is such an awesome word. Such an awesome attribute. Lord slow me down, that I may hear your words. May I not hasten my feet, lest I fall from your countenance.
It is not good for a soul to be without knowledge, and he sins who hastens with his feet. ~Proverbs 19:1, 2
Integrity is such an awesome word. Such an awesome attribute. Lord slow me down, that I may hear your words. May I not hasten my feet, lest I fall from your countenance.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Today!
Man, life is really good. Things are unfolding finally. I feel like a turtle popping his head out of his shell. I feel purpose is back. I feel like a good school year is about to start, and this transition in my life is really making sense.
Glory to you Lord. For your amazing ways.
I shall blog some more later. Right now, purpose calls.
Glory to you Lord. For your amazing ways.
I shall blog some more later. Right now, purpose calls.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Oh Life...
Life. Life. Life. Glory to you oh Lord. My God in whom I trust. Let me not be ashamed. Holy God, you are awesome and great. Majestic you are. Man oh man, Jesus, you're the one I need.
Mood: purposeful, content. Perfect for blogging, I suppose.
Life as we know it, seems to me, false. Its so easy to be disappointed, so easy to be upset, so easy to be anxious, to worry, to fear. But the likes of these are for no progress and therefore should not be pursued. Bold, alert, calm shall I be.
Relationships. Providing and receiving emotional and personal support. My relationship, is my accountability to be stable, is my choice, can potentially hurt or uplift me based on my attitude. MY relationship IS NOT mine... it belongs God. I should not enter someone's personal realm with mine if I am not in check, at peace, and in line with the Lord's will for my life. Strength shall overcome. I should be intentional with myself and with her. I am treating my relationship without honor, without regard, as a joke if I do not selflessly love. Relationships can be, should be natural. I want to have fun with you. I want to act natural. I want these eggs shells under my feet to be swept away. I don't want to be offended. I don't want to be offered an opportunity of confusion.
The greatest Goliath to hope is disappointment. May I crush disappointment; I hurl my heart as a stone, hardened to all misguided grief and offense.
Mood: purposeful, content. Perfect for blogging, I suppose.
Life as we know it, seems to me, false. Its so easy to be disappointed, so easy to be upset, so easy to be anxious, to worry, to fear. But the likes of these are for no progress and therefore should not be pursued. Bold, alert, calm shall I be.
Relationships. Providing and receiving emotional and personal support. My relationship, is my accountability to be stable, is my choice, can potentially hurt or uplift me based on my attitude. MY relationship IS NOT mine... it belongs God. I should not enter someone's personal realm with mine if I am not in check, at peace, and in line with the Lord's will for my life. Strength shall overcome. I should be intentional with myself and with her. I am treating my relationship without honor, without regard, as a joke if I do not selflessly love. Relationships can be, should be natural. I want to have fun with you. I want to act natural. I want these eggs shells under my feet to be swept away. I don't want to be offended. I don't want to be offered an opportunity of confusion.
The greatest Goliath to hope is disappointment. May I crush disappointment; I hurl my heart as a stone, hardened to all misguided grief and offense.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Hope Lord. I Hope in you. I hope in your goodness, in your mercy. I hope Lord for a revived spirit, a renewed heart; I hope. I believe Lord. I believe you are here. That you will help me, guide me. Take away distractions, take away vain ideas, take away reason God. May I love. May I love as you love: unguarded, unshaken, unfailing, unrestricted. May I see as you see. New eyes, let me be, as you see me, let me see as you see. May I never fear again. Only you will I fear, and therefore understand, that you have set my feet upon a rock. That you have made me a strong tower. Never will I be shaken. Never will I stop giving. Never will I reserve my love, but rather may it be poured out as you were poured out for me. I love you Father. Shake me. Shake me like a hurricane shakes a tree. Awake my soul, let faith arise again, I believe. I believe. Amen.
Monday, August 1, 2011
I met a praying mantis. Praying outside of my door. May he climb that wall in his life with ease.
I wrote this a few days ago. When everything was new. I feel like I'm ready. I just wanted you to read this.
Here I am, again. trying to figure my way down the same road and all its bumps and turns and places to fall off. I grew up on a gravel road, and most of my life, especially recently, the road I walk is gravel. There’s lots to know about gravel roads. First of all, it doesn’t matter how smooth that thing looks, its rough, I don’t care who you are. Secondly, you have to be careful how fast you drive on gravel roads because they are unpredictable, and can be unforgivable. Most importantly, is knowing what to do when you are walking on a gravel road, and you happen upon a skipping stone. Now you have some choices: you can leave it there, you can pick it up and throw it at the ground or throw it into a thicket, or you can stuff it in your pocket and wait. Needless to say your first two choices have boring outcomes for you and the rock, but as for the third, great opportunity awaits.
What do you call this thing in your pocket? “A skipping rock”, meant for dirty barefoot adventures on a calm riverside. Meant for zinging over the waters surface just tiptoeing now in then on every 1...2...3...4... Well the thing with skipping rocks is, its not often you come across a truly exceptional skipping rock. One that God himself touched with the rain and the wind and gave the name “Skip”. If you find one period, you outta give it a chance on the water, see if its got what it takes; if not, it’ll sit on the bottom, smooth out some and one day, maybe it will have another chance.
The thing I’m getting to is that when you find something like this, there is a chance to take it, and wait. To wait for the right chance, the perfect chance, to reach in your pocket and hold in your hand something that has the capability to reach freedom, and bring it to you. It could be a wisdom, an idea, a person, an opportunity. Don’t miss it, don’t always be so ready to pick it up and put it to the test where it may not be intended to be tested. Allow yourself to understand the timing. To approach freedom, to envision it, and let it fly.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Nitrogen in the air.... because of lightning...
So after the lightning and thunder simultaneously made known their whereabouts, which happened to be right behind me, I quickly made my dash for the house. I always begin knowing I am well capable of making it, but will I be able to do as well as I want to. Or do I fall short. As I approached my street, my legs began to question my mind's expectations. Soaking wet, forgetting form, breathing heavy, I pressed onward.
"I'm not as fit as I think" my mind interjects. Where do I get these thoughts from? Who cares how fit I am, I'm running for my life! Why do I make things that are not important seem important? I want to be the best. I want to be the best triathlete, but there are so many who are so much better. "But I'm different," I say to myself. "I can be the best."
Lord God, hear me. I fear you, I trust you. I trust you Lord. Your longings are bright, but not bright like the sun on a calm day. Bright like pursuing headlights closing in on me, so bright that I begin to fear losing sight and control of my surroundings. That I won't know which way to go or run, and you'll slam in to me at a million miles an hour. Hold on to me tight as I hit the earth. A dull thud and stillness like the gentle haze after a heavy sleep. I'm awake. I'm awake. Your love has ravished my heart. Amen.
"I'm not as fit as I think" my mind interjects. Where do I get these thoughts from? Who cares how fit I am, I'm running for my life! Why do I make things that are not important seem important? I want to be the best. I want to be the best triathlete, but there are so many who are so much better. "But I'm different," I say to myself. "I can be the best."
Lord God, hear me. I fear you, I trust you. I trust you Lord. Your longings are bright, but not bright like the sun on a calm day. Bright like pursuing headlights closing in on me, so bright that I begin to fear losing sight and control of my surroundings. That I won't know which way to go or run, and you'll slam in to me at a million miles an hour. Hold on to me tight as I hit the earth. A dull thud and stillness like the gentle haze after a heavy sleep. I'm awake. I'm awake. Your love has ravished my heart. Amen.
Things to Do
Listening to one of my girlfriend's favorite songs "between the cracks" by John Mark McMillan. She thought it was really powerful and showed me the lyrics one Sunday morning on the way to church. I don't remember how I responded, but anything she says and feels is beautiful, and she needs to know.
God hear my prayer. Faithful I shall be. You wake me up, you let me breathe, you tell me who I am and speak life into my mouth, that I might speak. Holy Lord, may my words be touched again by you, that I would not live an idol life, in the name of Jesus.
To pick myself up again is to pick up my life and see the purpose, allow it to sink in God.
Today God was like take initiative and write a to-do list. This is what I wrote:
- Pick up dirty clothes, hang clean ones (where should I wash clothes?)
- Fix car (clean)
- Tail lights
- Door lock
- Stereo
- Exhaust
- Clean Kitchen
- Organize guestroom, set up desk
- Make check list for school and week
- study (owl, tests)
- Chiropractic transcript
- Finish Practicum
- Put TV's on craigslist
- Check Finance checklist
- Make Grocery list
- Seek hard after Him
I miss her, I want her back now. you must wait. What about this weekend? What about seeing her family? I want to go. wait. you must wait. both must heal.
God hear my prayer. Faithful I shall be. You wake me up, you let me breathe, you tell me who I am and speak life into my mouth, that I might speak. Holy Lord, may my words be touched again by you, that I would not live an idol life, in the name of Jesus.
To pick myself up again is to pick up my life and see the purpose, allow it to sink in God.
Today God was like take initiative and write a to-do list. This is what I wrote:
- Pick up dirty clothes, hang clean ones (where should I wash clothes?)
- Fix car (clean)
- Tail lights
- Door lock
- Stereo
- Exhaust
- Clean Kitchen
- Organize guestroom, set up desk
- Make check list for school and week
- study (owl, tests)
- Chiropractic transcript
- Finish Practicum
- Put TV's on craigslist
- Check Finance checklist
- Make Grocery list
- Seek hard after Him
I miss her, I want her back now. you must wait. What about this weekend? What about seeing her family? I want to go. wait. you must wait. both must heal.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Day at the Bike Shop
What does it mean to be truly intentional. I've been told to be intentional, and asked to be intentional. My interpretation of the word with people is this: deliberately showing people your devotion to their presence and allowing your heart to truly accept every fiber of their being, while recognizing the particular concern at hand, and meeting that concern. Sounds good to me, quite a definition. Dictionary.com says "of or pertaining to intention or purpose." I like the word purpose in it, but the rest of that definition falls short.
I work at a bike shop. Moore's Bicycle Shop to be exact. Having dealt with quite a few people today has taught me a lot about myself. I like talking to people. I like finding someone's trust and understanding how to stay there. Many times one word will flip that trust switch, or an idea, but I generally am careful to keep myself within someone's trust. Importantly enough, I don't just wanted to be trusted, I want to know that I can be trusted, so I have to offer something of myself as well. Because in their trust you can truly experience happiness with them. It's extraordinary really, in trust you feel the same things they do and are concerned about what they are concerned about, or excited for what they are excited about. I like it.
Take a few deep breaths, allow peace to settle your heart, and know that He is God. God Almighty, great and powerful is He. Beautiful splendor.. beautiful surrender.. I want to be who He's called me to be, and it's possible, with you.
I work at a bike shop. Moore's Bicycle Shop to be exact. Having dealt with quite a few people today has taught me a lot about myself. I like talking to people. I like finding someone's trust and understanding how to stay there. Many times one word will flip that trust switch, or an idea, but I generally am careful to keep myself within someone's trust. Importantly enough, I don't just wanted to be trusted, I want to know that I can be trusted, so I have to offer something of myself as well. Because in their trust you can truly experience happiness with them. It's extraordinary really, in trust you feel the same things they do and are concerned about what they are concerned about, or excited for what they are excited about. I like it.
Take a few deep breaths, allow peace to settle your heart, and know that He is God. God Almighty, great and powerful is He. Beautiful splendor.. beautiful surrender.. I want to be who He's called me to be, and it's possible, with you.
July 30th, 2011
To choose to speak with an open heart, a controlled mind, and a free will is to shower rain, sparkling like diamonds, on a thirsty soul. May every word I speak be truly touched by the Father. Amen.
I’m wanting to fight for you. I put myself in this position because I am ready to fight, and then I lose you, and then I fight for you. This is not fair for you, I realize. I realize I’m striking out over and over with you. You must forgive me. I wanted to explain that I was emotional, that I truly had not processed all that I said, but I’m afraid your wounds have become too deep for my apologies, so the Father must heal. He must heal me. He must heal us. Hear my words, Darling, I do burn for you. I do lie sleepless. You over and over again, catch my attention. My thoughts for this morning, and all I can say right now, is that love is a choice. It always has been, and God is in me. It is for me to understand His ways, and I must. For the enemy is like a roaring lion, trying to devour my very soul, and I am fighting back. I will write again, soon.
I’m wanting to fight for you. I put myself in this position because I am ready to fight, and then I lose you, and then I fight for you. This is not fair for you, I realize. I realize I’m striking out over and over with you. You must forgive me. I wanted to explain that I was emotional, that I truly had not processed all that I said, but I’m afraid your wounds have become too deep for my apologies, so the Father must heal. He must heal me. He must heal us. Hear my words, Darling, I do burn for you. I do lie sleepless. You over and over again, catch my attention. My thoughts for this morning, and all I can say right now, is that love is a choice. It always has been, and God is in me. It is for me to understand His ways, and I must. For the enemy is like a roaring lion, trying to devour my very soul, and I am fighting back. I will write again, soon.
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