So after the lightning and thunder simultaneously made known their whereabouts, which happened to be right behind me, I quickly made my dash for the house. I always begin knowing I am well capable of making it, but will I be able to do as well as I want to. Or do I fall short. As I approached my street, my legs began to question my mind's expectations. Soaking wet, forgetting form, breathing heavy, I pressed onward.
"I'm not as fit as I think" my mind interjects. Where do I get these thoughts from? Who cares how fit I am, I'm running for my life! Why do I make things that are not important seem important? I want to be the best. I want to be the best triathlete, but there are so many who are so much better. "But I'm different," I say to myself. "I can be the best."
Lord God, hear me. I fear you, I trust you. I trust you Lord. Your longings are bright, but not bright like the sun on a calm day. Bright like pursuing headlights closing in on me, so bright that I begin to fear losing sight and control of my surroundings. That I won't know which way to go or run, and you'll slam in to me at a million miles an hour. Hold on to me tight as I hit the earth. A dull thud and stillness like the gentle haze after a heavy sleep. I'm awake. I'm awake. Your love has ravished my heart. Amen.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Things to Do
Listening to one of my girlfriend's favorite songs "between the cracks" by John Mark McMillan. She thought it was really powerful and showed me the lyrics one Sunday morning on the way to church. I don't remember how I responded, but anything she says and feels is beautiful, and she needs to know.
God hear my prayer. Faithful I shall be. You wake me up, you let me breathe, you tell me who I am and speak life into my mouth, that I might speak. Holy Lord, may my words be touched again by you, that I would not live an idol life, in the name of Jesus.
To pick myself up again is to pick up my life and see the purpose, allow it to sink in God.
Today God was like take initiative and write a to-do list. This is what I wrote:
- Pick up dirty clothes, hang clean ones (where should I wash clothes?)
- Fix car (clean)
- Tail lights
- Door lock
- Stereo
- Exhaust
- Clean Kitchen
- Organize guestroom, set up desk
- Make check list for school and week
- study (owl, tests)
- Chiropractic transcript
- Finish Practicum
- Put TV's on craigslist
- Check Finance checklist
- Make Grocery list
- Seek hard after Him
I miss her, I want her back now. you must wait. What about this weekend? What about seeing her family? I want to go. wait. you must wait. both must heal.
God hear my prayer. Faithful I shall be. You wake me up, you let me breathe, you tell me who I am and speak life into my mouth, that I might speak. Holy Lord, may my words be touched again by you, that I would not live an idol life, in the name of Jesus.
To pick myself up again is to pick up my life and see the purpose, allow it to sink in God.
Today God was like take initiative and write a to-do list. This is what I wrote:
- Pick up dirty clothes, hang clean ones (where should I wash clothes?)
- Fix car (clean)
- Tail lights
- Door lock
- Stereo
- Exhaust
- Clean Kitchen
- Organize guestroom, set up desk
- Make check list for school and week
- study (owl, tests)
- Chiropractic transcript
- Finish Practicum
- Put TV's on craigslist
- Check Finance checklist
- Make Grocery list
- Seek hard after Him
I miss her, I want her back now. you must wait. What about this weekend? What about seeing her family? I want to go. wait. you must wait. both must heal.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Day at the Bike Shop
What does it mean to be truly intentional. I've been told to be intentional, and asked to be intentional. My interpretation of the word with people is this: deliberately showing people your devotion to their presence and allowing your heart to truly accept every fiber of their being, while recognizing the particular concern at hand, and meeting that concern. Sounds good to me, quite a definition. Dictionary.com says "of or pertaining to intention or purpose." I like the word purpose in it, but the rest of that definition falls short.
I work at a bike shop. Moore's Bicycle Shop to be exact. Having dealt with quite a few people today has taught me a lot about myself. I like talking to people. I like finding someone's trust and understanding how to stay there. Many times one word will flip that trust switch, or an idea, but I generally am careful to keep myself within someone's trust. Importantly enough, I don't just wanted to be trusted, I want to know that I can be trusted, so I have to offer something of myself as well. Because in their trust you can truly experience happiness with them. It's extraordinary really, in trust you feel the same things they do and are concerned about what they are concerned about, or excited for what they are excited about. I like it.
Take a few deep breaths, allow peace to settle your heart, and know that He is God. God Almighty, great and powerful is He. Beautiful splendor.. beautiful surrender.. I want to be who He's called me to be, and it's possible, with you.
I work at a bike shop. Moore's Bicycle Shop to be exact. Having dealt with quite a few people today has taught me a lot about myself. I like talking to people. I like finding someone's trust and understanding how to stay there. Many times one word will flip that trust switch, or an idea, but I generally am careful to keep myself within someone's trust. Importantly enough, I don't just wanted to be trusted, I want to know that I can be trusted, so I have to offer something of myself as well. Because in their trust you can truly experience happiness with them. It's extraordinary really, in trust you feel the same things they do and are concerned about what they are concerned about, or excited for what they are excited about. I like it.
Take a few deep breaths, allow peace to settle your heart, and know that He is God. God Almighty, great and powerful is He. Beautiful splendor.. beautiful surrender.. I want to be who He's called me to be, and it's possible, with you.
July 30th, 2011
To choose to speak with an open heart, a controlled mind, and a free will is to shower rain, sparkling like diamonds, on a thirsty soul. May every word I speak be truly touched by the Father. Amen.
I’m wanting to fight for you. I put myself in this position because I am ready to fight, and then I lose you, and then I fight for you. This is not fair for you, I realize. I realize I’m striking out over and over with you. You must forgive me. I wanted to explain that I was emotional, that I truly had not processed all that I said, but I’m afraid your wounds have become too deep for my apologies, so the Father must heal. He must heal me. He must heal us. Hear my words, Darling, I do burn for you. I do lie sleepless. You over and over again, catch my attention. My thoughts for this morning, and all I can say right now, is that love is a choice. It always has been, and God is in me. It is for me to understand His ways, and I must. For the enemy is like a roaring lion, trying to devour my very soul, and I am fighting back. I will write again, soon.
I’m wanting to fight for you. I put myself in this position because I am ready to fight, and then I lose you, and then I fight for you. This is not fair for you, I realize. I realize I’m striking out over and over with you. You must forgive me. I wanted to explain that I was emotional, that I truly had not processed all that I said, but I’m afraid your wounds have become too deep for my apologies, so the Father must heal. He must heal me. He must heal us. Hear my words, Darling, I do burn for you. I do lie sleepless. You over and over again, catch my attention. My thoughts for this morning, and all I can say right now, is that love is a choice. It always has been, and God is in me. It is for me to understand His ways, and I must. For the enemy is like a roaring lion, trying to devour my very soul, and I am fighting back. I will write again, soon.
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